Are You Stuck In a Limiting Belief?Aug 02, 2022
hope you are doing well and succeeding in working through your Nice Guy Syndrome. It's a process, for sure. I just returned from vacation and have been slammed trying to catch up. Unfortunately, busyness tends to knock me off my game. But, one of the best things about being a Nice Guy coach is I learn from you guys all the time. Working with men gets me back in a state of flow.
Last Monday evening, I was running my small private weekly group, and one of the guys shared something that hit me like a rock flying into a windshield from a passing semi-truck. He said that he is "choosing to be a seeker rather than a believer."
His comment hit me hard because I've always thought of myself as a seeker, but the truth is that I tend to live as a believer. I'm a believer because I like certainty and want to be correct. However, often my beliefs are self-limiting.
Think about it; by believing, I have concluded. But when I am a seeker, nothing concludes. That's why when I am a believer, I get stuck. But when I am a seeker, I grow. When I am growing, I live in a state of flow and expansion.
One such limiting belief that I have held onto for too long is that women are the oppressors of men; that women want us to be something that we are not, and as a result, we have to fight against their need to domesticate us, men.
When I see things from this perspective, I believe my wife is attempting to control me with the purpose of holding me back. As a result, I fall deep into my lower feminine ego state. I get locked into believing that she is "not for me" but "against me."
When I seek, I ask myself, "Is that true? Is she really trying to work against me? What would my life be like if I didn't believe that? What if, instead, I lived open-heartedly and tried to seek out her femininity? To seek out her heart? What would I find? How would I behave differently in my relationship?"
An unexamined belief is an attachment to the outcome. It's where all covert contracts exist. So when things don't happen as I believe they should, I become resentful, angry, and butt-hurt. Can you relate?
Our male brains want resolution, to solve the equation, to find the answer so we can fix the problem. We want to believe. The difficulty is that to live as a seeker is to live in tension because there is no resolution, and we know Nice Guys hate tension.
However, when I come from a place of being a seeker, I ask, "Is there more to be uncovered, to discover, to become enlightened too?" As I seek to uncover more and see things I wouldn't have discovered if I held onto a limiting belief.
My challenge to you this next week is to live as a seeker, especially regarding your woman. See what unfolds when you allow it and give it space to grow. Seek not to know but to unlock her femininity's infinite layers and enjoy what you find.
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