Rule Number Fifteen for Overcoming the Nice Guy SyndromeFeb 09, 2020
Most Nice Guys pride themselves on being honest. If you ask them, they will tell you that honesty is one of their highest values. But in reality, they often tell half-truths, lie by omission and withhold how they genuinely feel. The dishonesty is all part of the defense mechanism of him wanting acceptance from others, fearing rejection, disapproval, and conflict.
As a result, Dr. Glover points out that "Nice Guys are adept at creating definitions that justify their behavior. It is not unusual to hear them make statements like "I'm pretty honest" or "I'm honest most of the time" without the slightest awareness of their contradiction of terms. In almost a childlike manner, Nice Guys will often offer the following defense: "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell everything."
The Nice Guys often "think" he is honest. Still, when you dig under the surface, it becomes clear that his defenses mechanisms are so entrenched that he fools himself into believing that he is honest, reliable, and trustworthy. Because of his rationalizations, minimizations, and denial of his true feelings, the Nice Guys become a master of lying to himself.
If a Nice Guy wants to break free from his behaviors and start living as an integrated man, it's vital that he digs deep into his soul, develops clarity into himself and practice rigorous honesty in everything that he does.
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