Rule Number Fourteen for Overcoming the Nice Guy SyndromeFeb 08, 2020
I remember the day I moved a couch by myself! Why? I could have easily asked for help. There were people I could have called or friends who would have assisted. I could have asked the guy who was passing by to give me a hand up the stairs. But I didn't. Instead, I struggled and struggled. It took a while, a lot of sweat and pain. I scraped the side of the couch that left a rather large mark and put a small hole in a wall, but I managed to get it moved.
Why didn't I asks for help? I'm recovering Nice Guy, and Nice Guys don't like to ask for assistance, and in fact, we even have a hard time receiving unsolicited help. Nice Guys are concerned with looking good, so we believe that asking for help can make us look weak. It also risks rejection, something that terrifies the Nice Guy. What if you ask for help and they say no? Additionally, we don't like to inconvenience others because that might make them not like us.
But how do you feel when you help someone? Most generally, it feels good. There is the gratification that comes with helping someone solve a problem, lightening their load, and giving them a hand. When we don't ask for help, we are depriving others of feeling good! That's the very opposite of "Nice." Also, when we don't let others help us, we strengthen the internal belief that we are unworthy, which piles on the toxic shame.
Next time you need some assistance, don't do what I did. Ask for help and let others help you.
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