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Rule Number Nineteen for Overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome

30 rules for overcoming the nice guy syndrome Feb 13, 2020

Part of the Nice Guy's M.O. is to hide his mistakes. They are masters of the coverup. Because of their internalized belief that they are "not okay just as they are," the Nice Guy covers anything he thinks is a flaw. However, when confronted with his mistake, the Nice Guy will turn it around and play the victim.

A classic Nice Guy behavior is to start the "blame game." The game consists of a "race to the bottom" of who is the biggest victim. The Nice Guy will come up with a litany of rational reasons why "he" is the one who has suffered most. When the Nice Guy feels he is the biggest victim, then he thinks that he won the argument.

At the end of the game, the Nice Guy may win the battle, but he loses the war. His victim mentality is also why he usually unsuccessful in many areas of his life. Others realize that he can't be trusted. As the trust erodes, so does the relationship. When the relationship does fail, the Nice Guy again plays the victim.

To become an Integrated Man, the Nice Guy must learn to take full responsibility for his actions. No excuses, no explanation, but complete responsibility. To take responsibility requires courage, humility, and honesty. These virtues are core to the Integrated Man. He develops his virtues like a bodybuilder develops muscles. It's painful to take responsibility, but "No pain, no gain."



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