Rule Number Seventeen for Overcoming the Nice Guy SyndromeFeb 11, 2020
Because Nice Guys are conflict avoidant, they tend to stick around, hoping things will change rather than taking action. Their conflict-avoidant nature keeps the Nice Guy from setting boundries because boundaries often need to be inforced. Instead, he continues to do what he's always done (avoiding the conflict, letting others mistreat him), hoping for a different result.
As Dr. Glover explains, boundaries are acts of love. They let us know where the limits are and what is expected from us. Boundaries keep people driving on the right side of the road. They keep airplanes from crashing into each other. They keep your neighbors dog from pooping on your grass.
Nevertheless, if you set a boundary, you have to be willing to remove yourself from the situation if it's not respected; this is especially true in relationships. Dr. Glover says, "Your boundaries are only as good as your ability and your willingness to remove yourself from the situation."
Setting a boundary can be anxiety-provoking for the Nice Guy. Still, all it takes is saying, "If you continue to (insert behavior), I will need to remove myself from this situation." Then if the bad behavior continues, walk away for 20 minutes, come back and see if they can change the behavior. If the behavior continues, walk away for an hour. At some point, if the behavior continues, you may need to remove yourself permanently from the situation. It's not easy, but it's better for everyone in the long run.
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