Rule Number Twenty-Four for Overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome

The Nice Guy thrives on external validation. The problem with this is that when we give someone the power to validate us, we inadvertently provide them with the ability to invalidate us. For this reason, the Nice Guy avoids conflict, and difficult situations like his life depends on it.

No one loves conflict, but an integrated man sees conflict and difficult situations as a way to grow, change, and deepen a relationship.

Conflict happens when two people have needs, and those needs compete with each other. One person needs one thing, and the other person needs something else. Conflict is simply about two people trying to get their needs met.

Because of the Nice Guy's early childhood development of conditioning to acquiesce his needs, he sees conflict as another way he will lose. As a result, he avoids rather than risk the possibility of going without his needs being met.

The integrated man sees conflict as a way to find a solution where both parties can get their needs met. He operates from his higher-masculine self and ascertains the appropriate information and then seeks to find a solution that is a win-win for everyone. Conflict becomes something the integrated man no longer fears but faces head-on because he knows that it will ultimately lead to personal growth, character development, and a closer relationship with others.

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