Rule Number Twenty-Nine for Overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome

It's okay to fail; in fact, failure is a part of life. No one is perfect. I'll often remind myself that there is a reason that pencils come with erasers, and keyboards have a backspace button. It's what we do with our "failures," which is essential. Do we learn from it, or do we continue doing the same thing over again and hope for a different result?

Because Nice Guys tend to see the world in black and white, they are terrified of making mistakes. Their fear of doing the wrong thing keeps them locked into avoidance of anything that they find difficult. Unfortunately, when the Nice Guy avoids conflict, problems, and looking bad, he stunts his growth.

An integrated man lives in the freedom of knowing that mistakes are only growth opportunities. The integrated man doesn't get caught up in ruminating about his errors; he simply decides that what has happened is an occasion for expanding his knowledge.

The integrated man sees life as a laboratory, a place he can experiment to see what works and what does not. When something isn't working, he makes a note and decides to try a different approach. Rather than avoidance of anything that seems complicated, the integrated man moves towards the situation.

The integrated man lives in a place of "stretch" and sees the tension as a way to expand himself into a more refined version of himself. For the integrated man, life is a puzzle to solve, and every experience is an opportunity for learning.

Ultimately, life presents us with the opportunity to grow into the best versions of ourselves. Next time you fail at something, see it as a gift that the universe has given. Allow your mistakes to expand you into the fullness of your best self.

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