Rule Number Twenty-One for Overcoming the Nice Guy SyndromeFeb 15, 2020
"You break it; you buy it," read the sign in the store window. I was five or six when I first saw a sign like this and about to go into an antique store with my dad. "Hands in your pockets," he said as we crossed the threshold into the store of many curiosities. Tempting as it was, I knew I had 5 dollars to spend, and I didn't want my birthday money to go towards a busted antique. So my hands stayed firmly planted deep into my jacket pockets.
The lesson was one of accepting the responsibility for our actions. You fuck it up; you fix it. The older I get, the more I understand that responsibility is key to becoming an integrated man. When we are accountable for our actions, we develop trust, not just in others, but within ourselves.
The Nice Guy has Low self-esteem. His low self-esteem isn't about loathing of himself as much as it is about mistrusting himself. My old sponsor used to tell me all the time, "If you want good self-esteem, do esteemable acts." It is esteemable to take responsibility for all your actions and accepting the consequences of our behaviors.
Nice Guys make excuses; Integrated men take responsibility.
Responsibility is accepting the consequence of our behaviors; no excuses, only action towards amending what we break.
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